I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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