OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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