And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
