Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
