For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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