I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm getting married
To pizza
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
