I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
