well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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