i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
