Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
