swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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