My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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