Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
