Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
