I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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