Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
