Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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