And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
wow bdsm is so cute
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