I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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