Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
