Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Randomize
