I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
