Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
