but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
