I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
