she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You're like the curious george of whores
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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