3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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