so that wasnt chicken after all
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
