There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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