You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
