i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i think i just lost a toe
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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