So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
