Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
