At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
