The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hippo gnu deer
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Randomize
