Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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