Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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