god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
