i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
