I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
