She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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