Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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