awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
