Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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