I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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