Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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