I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
