You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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