I hate your face
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
