Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I want a musical about memes.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
