he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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