just come out here and I will go home with you...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
