Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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